![]() So from my point of view he actually helped her. She could have fallen into depression and hurt herself or her baby. If he would have brought it up at 6 months that's a crucial stage for a woman during pregnancy her hormones are all over the place and it would have just caused her stress and possibly could cause a miscarriage! During pregnancy woman have no control over there emotions. How is he a d**k? From my standpoint as a father of three kids, he was thoughtful about it because he could have told her when he found out about it at 6 months but decided against it. Round attention Svg Vector Icons : Report.Upvotes Follow Unfollow 1 year ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 What do you think about this situation? Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on this situation Say goodbye, cut your losses, and get out.” Confront her as soon as you can and let her know that this isn’t going to work. Seeking revenge is usually a desperate attempt to regain power and control in order to compensate for the destruction, shame, and loss of betrayal. Waiting to hurt her while she’s post-partum and taking care of an infant won’t take away the pain of this betrayal and sounds equally as painful for you. “I don’t usually give advice as a therapist, but if I did it would be this: Revenge is a zero-sum game. We can hold multiple feelings at once, i.e., I am furious and want revenge AND I know that hurting someone else isn’t going to make my own pain stop.” The writer’s response to finding out his girlfriend was cheating on him is understandable. Image credits: Christopher Brown (not the actual photo)įinally, we asked Sara for advice on what someone should do in a situation like this: “It is human nature to seek revenge after a betrayal. There has to be an agreement to be open to a new and different way of relating to one another.” I have worked with couples who have a much deeper, more soulful relationship with themselves and each other after working through infidelity, and I’ve worked with couples who were so poisoned by the affair and aren’t able to/don’t want to work through it. Infidelity is arguably one of the most confronting experiences that a couple can go through, and it’s up to the couple in which direction the relationship will go. It’s just a matter of integrating the experience. There is no going back, and for some couples, that’s a good thing. Our second professional is Sara Povey, a holistic therapist that specializes in working with trauma, attachment, the shadow, and all the glorious challenges that come with being a human being. We questioned Sara whether it’s worth repairing a relationship after someone cheats: “Life after infidelity will inevitably look different from life before the affair. Step 3 is the Attach phase, where the couple works together to establish a sense of closeness and intimacy,” added Donald. Step 2 is the Attune stage, where issues of conflict and distance in the marriage which created the conditions for betrayal are dealt with. “Without going into too much detail, the process involves working through three steps: Atone, which involves dealing with the betrayed partner’s trauma, settling the unanswered questions, expressing their feelings, and establishing boundaries. My wife is actually the Research Director and is in charge of the study on the effectiveness of our treatment for affairs.” Therapy with couples often deals with affairs, and in our method, we have developed a structured approach that really seems to make a difference. The damage it does to the sense of trust and stability is hard to overestimate. When we asked Donald how to deal with infidelity, he gave us the following response: “There is probably no more painful situation in marriage than the pain of betrayal.
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